WARNING: ANGRY RANT AHEAD!!
Literally. Okay. I don’t know how to say this without sounding jealous and cocky, but I don’t really give a sh*t at this point. I am BEYOND PISSED OFF.
I. Am. LIVID.
Let me explain:
I’ve always been there for my friends. ALWAYS. I put away my own troubles and problems to help them with theirs. I care about them, and I will help them with whatever is that they need.
My friend group is very small, because I don’t have the best luck with keeping friends; it’s like, to get close to me, they’re nice and kind, but then they take off the fake façade and reveal their true colours, which aren’t even pretty.
So, today: had an early morning shift at work, dealt with it with a fake smile plastered on my face – okay. Day is done, I’m exhausted because I set my alarm wrong and woke up an hour before I was actually supposed to wake up, and I am literally a sleep deprived zombie at this point.
When I get tired, there is absolutely NO FILTER. Whether it’s my speech, or my emotions, or my thoughts – everything flows together, and it’s horrible river rapids.
I text my friends back because I’m off work, and I’m not really feeling in the mood: my thoughts have the better of me, I feel like I’m stuck in a shell with a crushing depression shading me.
Out of habit, I ask them how they’re doing.
They tell me they’re bored, and ask how I’m doing.
I tell them the honest truth, that I’m an emotional train wreck that’s missed it’s destination by miles, with no chance of a loop around.
Look: I don’t expect much. Yeah, I don’t want to create a pity party, but even just some assurance, some kind words, maybe just anything that a good friend would do would be nice, at this point.
What do I get, you may be wondering?
The next text comes in, when I’m overwhelmed and just need a little bit of moral support, and they over-dramatize their own daily crap in order to feel more important?!
Did I just accidentally walk into a one woman show where you are the main star?!
Wow. Just f*cking WOW.
I HAVE NEVER ASKED FOR ANYTHING. AND YOU CAN’T EVEN BE THERE FOR ME WHEN I ACTUALLY NEED A PERSON TO LEAN ON.
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. F*CK.
I don’t mean to be cocky or anything like that, but DAMN! SH*T!
Well, I guess they’ve helped me solve the age old question: are we really friends? Like really friends?
The answer: NO. WE ARE NOT. Because all I am to them is the rug under their damn feet, that makes them feel better when they walk all over me!
When am I ever going to find somebody who genuinely cares about me, and isn’t all up in their ego to let it pass them by?
Anyways, that’s my rant for the day, thank you for following along. Like, comment, share, let me know your experiences relating to this topic; I’d love to hear some.
Until the next one,