Lately, it’s been a very confusing and weird part of my very confusing and weird life.

When left alone with my thoughts, I overthink things. I wish I didn’t overthink things, but it’s just what my mind does, and it has to occupy itself, so it overthinks.

Let me explain:

So! I was introduced to this wonderful person a year or two ago, by a person who at the time was a dear friend of mine. This wonderful person, we’re going to call… Kaylie. And my dear friend at the time… we’ll call her Charlie.

So, Charlie introduced me to Kaylie. And Kaylie seemed like a very amazing person: she was kind, funny, down to earth. Kaylie and I actually connected really well: we had a lot in common – one of the main things we shared was we both liked stories and creative forms of expressing them. As time goes on, Kaylie and I are like the best of friends. Pretty much, we were there for the other one, and we were so close it was like we had known the other all their lives. We really understood each other.

Charlie decided to do something very stupid, that she would never do if she’d only been herself and stopped trying to make her boyfriend jealous, and she lost Kaylie and me as friends. We both no longer respected Charlie, we no longer trusted Charlie, we no longer talked to Charlie.

After that, Kaylie and I grew closer as friends; it was kind of like because of Charlie’s stupidity, we were more aware of things. We picked up on things, that made us be prepared, so we wouldn’t have a Charlie situation again. Because we didn’t want to go through that again; I mean, it was terrifying the first time.

About a year passes, and Kaylie and I are good and dandy and everything. 

Until, me and my confused mind begin thinking of the future: I want to go back to school, take some classes that I feel would be very good for me. But, in today’s day and age, these courses are going to cost money. So, upon that subject, I applied and I got a job.

Kaylie wasn’t too happy about this…. She wanted me to spend time with her always. But with my new job, I wasn’t able to; I had to be at work, and not be late, and earn more hours. And, being as desperate as I was for my future, I picked up every possible hour I could get. Work and adding up my hours was my main focus.

Kaylie absolutely hated this.

She texted me one day, saying: “Let’s hang out today xD.”

And I reply with: “Sorry, I can’t today, I’ve got work till late.” Which was completely true; I was called in because a co-worker wouldn’t make it into work.

Kaylie wasn’t replies with: “What the hell? You never make time for me anymore! I mean, I understand you work a lot, but can’t we just hang out??”

This boiled my blood. I’m supposed to make time for her now?! I don’t see her often because of work, granted. But I can’t blow off work just because she wanted to hang out!

So I told her, as calmly as I could: “I need the hours, and I’ve already accepted them. I’m not going to just skip work.”

Where she replies with: “You’re a different person. We used to hang out whenever, and now it’s like you’re avoiding me and blowing me off.”

…. Excuse me?!

I’m working! I’m not intending to ignore you on purpose!

I reply: “I legitimately have work! I’ll send you my schedule for this week, to prove this!”

No reply. She ignored my text. I guess she didn’t even want to talk after that.

Whatever.

Months go by; I’ve now been at my job for four months. 

We both usually go to this Creative Club every Tuesday, unless it’s been cancelled for whatever reason; and if it’s been cancelled, it would have been posted on the Club’s social media page.

I worked Tuesday. Still, I would have been able to go to CC, I just would have been an hour late.

When I get off work, I check my phone, and there’s a missed text from Kaylie. It says: “There’s no CC tonight, because nobody showed up. I’ve waited her for a long time, and nobody has come yet.”

My reply: “Was there anything posted on the social media page?”

Kaylie: “Hold on, I’ll check.”

Slightly annoyed she didn’t check that first, I wait. At this point, I was just leaving work, at the parking lot. I wasn’t able to check myself, because I need wifi to check my social medias, and there wasn’t any.

Kaylie: “No, there’s nothing on the page.”

Me: “Did you contact one of the supervisors?” The main people who run the Club; they normally post on the social media page, but if they don’t, it’s only wise to contact them.

Kaylie: “No I haven’t. Hold on.”

…. Rage slowly building….

Not wanting to wait for Kaylie to reply, I get in my car and drive to a fast food place, that has free wifi. I connect, check the page: Kaylie was correct, there wasn’t anything posted.

I contact the supervisors: turns out, they waited at the Club for a while, and only one person showed up. That’s not much of a Club. So, they’d gone to a small café, where there was open mic and positive vibes. People would do whatever they wanted: sing, play music, read a story, perform a sketch, slam some poetry.

To me, this sounds amazing. This café isn’t that far away, I can get there in no time.

I text this information to Kaylie; when I met her, this was what she loved.

Kaylie: “Oh…. For one, it would be nice if somebody was nice enough to let me know. Second, I’m not into that stuff.”

…. Rage quickly gaining speed….

I was honestly taken aback by her declining to go. She usually liked that sort of thing – that was one of the common things we shared when we first met!

Already wasting enough time, I basically told her fine, whatever, and I went on my own. And I loved it, I had a lot of fun.

Later, after I get home, I text Kaylie to see how her evening was, and I would tell by the way she’s replying – small talk, snippy comments, ignoring me until I send several texts – that she was pissed off with me.

I confronted her about it, and she dodged the issue, saying nothing was wrong.

Okay then….

And, that was literally last week.

I keep trying to check in with her to see how she’s doing and everything, and she’s still providing me with the bare minimum….

Again, I ask what’s wrong, she still says nothing.

So…. Lately, my emotions have been a mess. Kaylie have turned into somebody that I personally would never connect and be friends with. It’s really just making me feel like she’s just a stranger to me….

I don’t know, honestly. I really don’t.

I’ve noticed that I seem to attract the sort of friends that will be my friend for a good while, will steal my emotions, play with them, then give them back damaged.

I believe that the main thing I should do in this situation is… keep my guard up around Kaylie?

Again, I don’t know.

We’ll see what happens…. Hopefully my mind isn’t playing tricks on me, and everything is actually fine….

Until the next one,

Hannah

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