Time slips away from me, lately more than I’d like it to. Memories tend to fade, distort, warp, or vanish altogether. But as poor as I remember things, as scary it is for my mind not to recall, the feeling of warmth and belonging will always be within the depths of my heart.
It was a Thursday. A warm Thursday, with a soft breeze. I was in grade eleven in highschool, 2014. Sebody I’d gone to school with in earlier years of highschool, told me to meet them after school. They were going to take me to a club. Not one of booze – even if I wanted that kind of club, it just wouldn’t be possible – but a club of hope. A group of dreams and stories and love in the darkness.
That final bell rang. Books were gathered. I met my friends at my locker, and together, we made our way to the long line of mustard yellow school buses. The buses that would take us home.
At the folding doors, I stopped. I didn’t climb those steps. My friends looked at me funny, wondering what had gotten into me. I smiled, stepped back from the doors, and went to the student lot, where the one who promised a club said they’d be.
And those buses all left, leaving me. But I didn’t care. I was lost in talk of hopes and dreams.
I was let down…. A message sent: Hey, I can’t take you to the club, something came up. But if you still wanted to go, here’s the address.
My dad saw me. What are you doing, here and not at home?
I told him of the club. I knew he’d say no. I never did anything besides going to school and going back home. But I didn’t care. I needed it, like going to this club was my next breath, Abbi needed it to live.
But, I don’t know what changed, what went on in his mind…. He said: C’mon.
Not: We’re going home.
Sure, it could’ve been a ploy. A change of words to earn my trust, so he could lie and ruin what I only asked for.
I got in the truck. My dad started driving. There was silence forms long moment, before he asked: When is it?
Happiness made my heart flutter. I nearly stuttered myself stupid telling him it started at 6pm, and ended at 9pm.
Next: Where is it?
Using the message as my script, I tell him it’s at 1148 7th Avenue at YAP Friends, across from City Hall.
Looking at the time, it was just after 4pm.
To pass the time, we bought Timmie’s. But I was so excited, I couldn’t calm down enough to drink my hot chocolate, and eat my strawberry donut.
It was getting closer and closer to 6pm. As we drove, I watched the street signs, reading each one we passed, hoping the next sign inwould read would be seventh avenue.
We were at the building early. There was nobody on the street. No cars parked at the curb.
My heart sank. Maybe we need to wait. There was still fifteen minutes. There was still a chance.
Every minute was agony. Each second was so close to crushing my soul.
Then… a couple kids walked down the street, and stood in the doorway. They were laughing. Two girls and a boy. One girl had a backpack, the other a book bag, and the boy had an expensive music case.
Then a couple of cars pulled up, parked in front.
A man and a woman got out of one car. Another boy got out of another car. A different woman from a different car.
They were making their way inside – the man opened the door, letting everybody in.
The boy with the instrument case was closest to the truck. Mustering up all of my nonexistent courage, I asked the boy if this was the club I was told about.
He smiled kindly, and confirmed my hopes and dreams: Yes, this is Street Spirits.
As scared as I was, spending three hours with people I’d never met before, I was happy. I praised every moment of those three hours, burning those soon-to-be family names in my brain: Kjirsten, Isaac, Nicki, Hailey, Chelsey, Elise, Pedro, Kaiser, Andrew, Teresa, Chuck. In time came more.
As soon as I left, all I wanted was to go back.
Street Spirits taught me many things: courage, empathy, love, sorrow, that it’s okay to swear in the moment….
But best of all, they taught me family. No matter what happens next…. I feel I have finally felt like I belong somewhere. That I’m not an outcast. That, again, it’s okay to swear!
When my mind evades me, and I can’t even remember my own name, I will always and forever remember Street Spirits.
QM