They’re After Me

Ello; just uploaded my film They’re After Me, up live on my Vimeo! Go give it a watch, like, comment what you think! Thank you!

Candidly,

Hannah

The Future

The future…. It’s so… complicated.

In kindergarten, we were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up.

Some of us wanted to be superstars. Or astronauts. Or even puppies. And our kindergarten teacher chuckled at how cute it sounded, and told us how good our ideas were. Yeah, of course being a puppy when you grew up was a false hope, but we were praised for our wild dreams.

That was fifteen years ago.

Now, in this day and age, people shame you for wanting to have an imagination. You have dreams now, you’re lucky if you get to see tomorrow with your dignity, still in tact.

Today, fifteen years later, you’re “classified” as grown up. You should have all of your future goals and plans in order – but not only that. Not only that. In addition to your goals and plans, people expect said things to be “realistic”.

But… “realistic” to who?

With your wild imagination and open mind, it really is realistic. You know that if you keep following that star, you’ll make it. It’ll take all of your focus, bit you know you can do it.

But what you think you can achieve is not “realistic” to other people.

And boy, as soon as you open your mouth to share those dreams…. In less than the time it took you to share, you’re going to wish you never even opened your mouth. You wish you could just not feel that crushing pain that their judgement has upon you, that they would just stop crushing your dreams, your visions.

So, that’s the question, isn’t it?

And there’s only one answered to that. One genuinely true answer, that not many people even know.

Realistic dreams are whatever the hell you want them to be.

You want to create, then create. You want to do something that drives your heart, do it. You want to build an empire, well then, by all means, do it. And don’t let anybody stop you.

The future is hard. Yeah. But at least it’s bright. And it’s not dimmed by negativity.

It’s your life.




Candidly,

Hannah

The Human Skin Can Be Hard To Live In

Society wants every human to be a certain way. Set to ridiculous standards, everybody’s got to be the same, in every way and form. And, if one human isn’t the same as everybody else, society says it’s okay to ridicule them and shame them and kill their soul.

So.

Their soul is now dead. Or, on the verge of death, because they were able to escape within an inch of its life. Barely.

Damaged soul.

Broken heart.

Ruined life.

But who wants to be what society says? Individuality is a real word in the real world, and it’s got its own definition to go with it: it’s that magical thing that makes a person unique. Magical in its own department, its own space and in its own way. 

Society hates individuality.

Even though that individual’s soul is broken, they believe strongly in being unique, being magical like that. Determined, courageous, and strong, they remain themself: unique.

And, yet again, the society-perfected people shame that individual for its creativity and uniqueness, again, shaming them in the nose hurtful and terrible ways possible.

This specific individual does not give up that easy.

This continues for weeks and weeks. Again, the soul gets beaten up, and again, it stands back up to take another punch.

But, one may ask, why does society continue to fight back? It’s entirely clear that the soul won’t back down. It’s clear that society is out of its elements. Why won’t society back off and give up?

Because… society is insecure, and takes pleasure out of beating up and destroying innocent souls.

Be strong. The human skin can be hard to live in, but to have your soul – as often as society tries to get rid of it – is a precious and magical thing. It is worth it, in the end.

And, to all of those beautiful souls out there, battered and bruised, yet still fighting: we will survive.

Candidly,

Hannah

*PS: This is based off of a small aesthetic I found on Pinterest.*

Who Are You?

You know what?

I thought I knew you.

I thought you were bright and vibrant and you were amazing; I loved your company, and I honestly thought that you loved my company, too….

But I was wrong….

You shut me down,

Like I’m last year’s drama

And you don’t have the time to deal with me.

I’m now a second choice for you.

I understand that you get busy,

But when you

Just

Want

To

Ignore me, because you’re mad that I can’t cater to your every need….

That’s f*cked up.

Yet, when you want my attention,

You want me

To

Drop

All

Of

My

Prior commitments,

Just so you can push me around for your own damn benefits.

Who the hell are you?

I don’t even know you anymore….

Why is it,

That everybody that

I

Get

Close

To

Has to push me away, yet pull me back like I’m on a f*cking leash?

Get

This

Leash

Off

Of me,

Because

I’m

Done.

Daily Emotional Damage Pt. 2

Thinking that she was going to push back what happened yesterday out of her mind, she went into work, confident, and hoping that she could do better.

The shelves were completely empty when she got into work. Her co-worker, the one who’d shamed her the day before, was on duty. Except, the co-worker wasn’t doing anything. Instead, the co-worker was writing something down on a clipboard, instead of keeping the shelves stocked properly. Leaving her to do it all by herself.

The co-worker left for her lunch hour. A different co-worker went to work the same time she did. So there were two people on the same shift, working to keep the shelves filled.

It wasn’t easy. They were constantly becoming empty, and they were barely keeping up.

The co-worker came back from their break, and instantly told her that she was way too slow and that her work was terrible. The co-worker blamed her for not keeping up, not even paying any attention to the different co-worker.

The new co-worker came into work, right when the co-worker got off work. The new co-worker told the co-worker that they couldn’t keep the shelves filled for when they got off work yesterday, ad the co-worker dismissed it as “okay, you were by yourself, it’s understandable.” Yet she wasn’t allowed to fall behind??

Again, sorry for the rant…. But I needed to share.

Don’t shame people. I’m telling you right now, it messes with people’s heads and makes their hearts hurt.

I’m just so emotionally drained….

Candidly,

Hannah

broken.

i am broken

shattered and in pieces that can never be put back together again

lost, in the endless loop of my brain

playing tricks on me

like it’s an illusion

that won’t ever stop unless it takes over the host

i am broken

like the world we all live in

where people say there’s still some good left in the world

and then somebody gets killed every minute

of every day

for eternity and beyond

i am broken

like my sanity

when it insists that it’s still alive somewhere deep inside me

then I’m driven insane

and have to get put in a straight jacket

as i scream my lungs out

until i can’t even breathe

just to see if somebody would still treat me good

i am broken

like my soul

because i have to have something in common with the thing

that fails to tell me

that i’m a dead human walking

amongst those who wish to kill me

beyond an inch of my life

i am broken

and there is no chance of fixing me

i will forever be

broken

Candidly,

Hannah

Daily Emotional Damage

Work was really busy today. The shelves were constantly getting empty, even though they were restocked very often. It was very hard to keep up.

She went in on the middle shift – starting at 11:00 am, and ending at 4:00 pm – and being that early on a Friday, she had to keep the shelves filled. But, in order to keep the shelves filled, she had to do extra work to make the items for the shelves. Although she’d only worked there for a month, and was still learning, she tried to keep up.

When she went to work, her co-worker said that they were going to go for their lunch hour; this co-worker was of higher status and worked more than five hours, so they were allowed their lunch break. Overwhelmed that she’d have to restock the shelves by herself, she agreed, and the co-worker went on their lunch break.

As was mentioned earlier, it was very busy.

When the co-worker came back from their lunch break, they approached her, and told her, “Your boss wanted me to tell them your progress, and I’m going to have to tell them that you’re way too slow. We.need to have the shelves filled, and you are very behind. You need to speed it up.”

Almost on the verge of tears, she simply nodded. She pushed herself to work faster, and harder. She pushed herself to work unsafely, just to be quicker.

After a little bit, the co-worker said they were going to go on their last fifteen minute break, again, leaving her alone to fill the shelves.

When the co-worker came back, they grabbed some supplies from the back, left the supplies on the table for the new co-worker to deal with, then punched out, because they were finished for the day.

The new co-worker punched in, and helped her with restocking the shelves.

It was still busy, and even though the new co-worker and her worked together, they were still behind.

She had to finish her tasks, after she helped the new co-worker with filling the shelves, and instead of finishing her shift at 4:00 pm, like her schedule said, she finished at 4:10 pm. When she punched out, she was told she punched out late, but they still accepted it. And she didn’t even get to go on her fifteen minute break; she worked right through it to keep up and help the new co-worker.

The moral of this rant is: My supervisor didn’t help me when it was really busy. They’re professional, they’re superior, they’re like a co-boss. Yet, they came up to me, told me my work was very poor and I wasn’t working fast enough – I’m new. I’ve only been working there one month, and I’m still learning. And I pushed myself like hell in order to keep up, and it still wasn’t good enough to please them. I literally broke down in tears in front of them, because it hurts when somebody says you’re not good enough when you’re trying your hardest and then some. And I told them that, that I’m working my hardest and trying to​ do my best, and they proceeded to tell me that I still wasn’t good enough.

I held it in until I was off work, then I cried the whole way home. And I’m probably going to cry some more later on, no doubt.

Sorry for the rant. But when somebody says they’re doing their best, do not shame them and break them down. Because making them feel like they’re completely worthless, is wrong. It’s emotionally scarring. 

Prayers go out to anybody who’s dealt with emotional abuse in the workplace.

Candidly,

Hannah

Poison

Thoughts….

Words….

Slander…..

Presence….

Glares….

Emotions….

Trust….

Love….

Hope….

Dreams….

Hate….

Pain….

All of these are spiritual, physical, and mental poisons. Toxins that want to break us down from the inside out. They rot the brain, they break the heart, and they kill the spark. They’re deadly. Bad news. No good.

We have to protect ourselves against these deadly toxins. It could be impossible, but we’re determined. We want to live, we want to thrive, we want to experience this world in our own way without the toxins this society tries to poison us with.

Damn near impossible, but we’ll risk it.

We’ll risk it for life, for adoration, for inspiration. We’ll do anything to battle these outside forces if it’ll let us live another small moment with bliss.

We aren’t immune.

But we are alive. And even with these social poisons, we’ll make it. Some a little further than others, but we’ll make it.

There are healers all over the place. Maybe if we bound together, and joined forces, we could stop this epidemic….

Take my hand. We can do this, one soul at a time.

Candidly,

Hannah

Dear Elaborate Liars….

Dear Elaborate Liars;

To you, whom concoct the most extravagant and wild false stories, who make things up and pray to get away with them, I bash my head against the wall at your incredible stupidity.

You must not know the basic fundamentals of storytelling, for your stories have no plot. Everything must flow cohesively with one another: gentle like a river, soft like a summer breeze, and naturally like a spring. You, of course, have none of those skills. And oh my eternal saviour, it definitely shows.

I would have guessed that even some of your story would make sense, even a little bit, if you’d written it down and thought it out. Even just a little bit. But of course, your tale is muddled, mangled, and messed up, and it’s so much so that I bet even you don’t believe much of it.

If you can’t sell your story, how do you ever expect me to buy it?

Before you pitch a story, and insist it to be flawless and idiot-proof, write it down and formulate your ideas; put them in order, to make the plotline perfect. Write yourself a rough draft, then a good draft, then proofread it. Edit it accordingly, to make the piece stronger.

Then sell it to me.

I’ll know it’s fake, because when you tell me, I’ll tell by the tone of your voice that it’s entirely scripted, but at least you’ll be able to keep a little bit more of your dignity.

Dear Elaborate Liars, get your head out of your stupid and greedy reasonings​, and learn to wake the hell up.

Candidly,

Hannah

The Breakroom

Okay…. Here goes nothing….

Ello! I know I probably should have simply introduced myself in the first blog, so you would know who the heck I am, but…. 

So! Ello, my name is Hannah, and I’m a weird person with some wild ideas. I love stories and emotions and experiencing life one day at a time.

Today, I’m here, presenting a snapshot sneak peek of a film idea I have….

A small video clip I’ve posted on my Vimeo, and it isn’t much, but it’s a start to the idea…. And we gotta start somewhere!

The Breakroom….